Conversations are less interesting. We always end up in silence mode. Having an evil aura, making things awkward. Asking real random questions. What will you do if your girlfriend is not a virgin?  Are you being honest or what? It felt real, even if you tell me you are joking. You said you pretended that you hid stuff from me. Just to go along with the jokes. But did you really joke? I don’t know … I don’t want to joke with these. I may be a stupid guy that can joke a lot with everything, but when it comes to this, between me and you … it doesn’t become a joke anymore. You ask these questions, and then say that you are joking with some kind of bad evil aura around you, when you tell me that. It feels weird … I can tell you that it’s not a joke. I can tell when you are joking or when you are not. With all these statuses … it makes me doubt even more. Are you really over everything ? Done with everything ? Given up on everything ? Had enough ? … It seems to me that , I’m only being dragged along since you didn’t want to hurt me too much , or on the contrary , really taking revenge. Stop giving me these ideas … Look , I really want us to be together forever … I still believe in forever … Even if you thought about cheating or even leaving me … I would still run after you … You are the one I fucken love. I don’t want another. Maybe you do, but I don’t. Honestly … I’m always scared … Seeing the one I love not showing love in front of everybody , going with another man , trusting others more than me … I know I made a terrible mistake … but … you really have to do all this even after knowing that I have changed and will do anything for you ? Did I prove enough … ? Not enough ? I’m just not the guy you love anymore … the one who you need anymore … the guy whom you want anymore … I think I’m just there because I’m there. When others come into your life , you’ll forget about me. When others come into my life, all I do is talk about you. It’s tough to know that I’m the only one who thinks of us both when we are separated. AT ALL TIMES. I don’t know … I’m surely making up some ideas … But … I’m just getting more and more jealous … and eventually … I don’t want to reach that point. I’ll go crazy. Babe … I really wish we could be like the old times … all lovey dovey … I miss the times when we were still thinking we were the only flawless couple . I had to break that shit up. I’m just scared that you go to another man … We are getting more and more distanced … I thought that we were getting closer and closer everyday , but it’s the contrary , we are getting further and further away every single day. It may not be much , but I feel it, bit by bit. You start to hide things , personal things … I don’t even have permission as your friend’s does. If I don’t have the permissions of your friend’s and I’m your boyfriend … what does that mean ? I’m less than a friend ? …. A boyfriend should have at least things that friend’s couldn’t get. Bleeh , babe … really , when we finish our phone conversations like this … I really don’t want to sleep. It’s all I really think about. I’m always sad afterwards, scared.