So I was right … all this time … her feelings for me … have changed. It really did. You told me … that she didn’t feel the same it’s been 2 weeks. I’ve been having these weird feelings 2 weeks before … I was right … we are now on a break … I’m sure it won’t change a thing … we cried a lot … But still , I think these tears are just nothing … they won’t change a thing. I believe that it won’t change and we will end up being separated … I’m kind of giving up now … I’ve been hurt enough … now that she tells me that her feelings for me have been reducing … it’s pretty sad … I hate it … Jhay and Mikan … they all knew things. Been hiding things from me. I spent time with her today at her house , she showed that she wanted me to stay and needed me kinda. But I feel like, it’s only to hurt me less and actually give me affection. I’m starting to feel less and less … love between us is getting close to no more … I’ll have to wait and see what our break could bring us. I’ll hope for the best. Wish me luck tumblr … be with me … I don’t want to leave her … After all I’ve done … I still am thinking that I don’t deserve any of this. I’m happy that I’m lucky … I hope she wants to stay with me …

It’s getting more and more obvious. You don’t need me. You can be happy WITHOUT me. What I am doing still here? Am I just being dragged along ? I’m tired of this. I said to myself… show it to me that you care for me and you want to be with me. From what your actions means, you just don’t care anymore. I’m not worth fighting for now. We just keep filling ourselves problems and don’t even communicate, nor even stay together. You don’t show love anymore. Tell me man, stop making me feel awkward feelings. You know I have a limit too. If you simply don’t want me anymore, I’ll go away. I showed you that I really want to be with you, but if you don’t feel the same, we can’t be in a relationship. I know you won’t regret leaving this time. I can’t do shit for you. I can’t cook, I can’t speak chinese well like you, I’m small, no job, no money, totally useless, can’t even take care of you. Why would you want to be with me? I’m not worth fighting for anymore right ? Just fucking tell me. I’ll get better at so many points to please another woman if you don’t want me. You already have Siu I believe. Anyway, I think I’m the only one who wants to make this relation better, not you. You are done giving effort for this relation. I think it’s soon to say goodbye. My first lover … sigh … I thought that I wouldn’t ever leave you … guess I really have to think about this. I only wanted you, only you. But now, you made me feel this way. I just can’t stand it. I guess life really is a mystery and shouldn’t expect things AT ALL.

Job interview for Judy.

He was the last guy I wanted to see with her. I always told myself she wasn’t with him. Always had doubts. Now here I look, there he was with her. I didn’t want to see this. I think this is over. You’ve been lying to me. Fuck you. You better make things right. I’m tired of this. Siu was there. You tried to lied to me that he wouldn’t be there. You tried to lie that you didn’t know he was there. You became so tense when you saw me. Seriously, I’m tried of this doubting you with Siu or not. I don’t care, I’ll wait till your periods end and I’ll ask you. Choose me or him. Stop dragging me along. I’m fucken tired of this. You know I don’t like to see you both together because you guys had things before, it might develop again. You don’t fucken act. You don’t listen to me. You don’t do shit for me. What you say, I’ll do it. Sometimes I even feel like I’m your dog. But I don’t care, since it makes you happy. But now… I’m not anyone. Stop giving me orders if you won’t respect my orders or my desires. I’m tired. You better have an explanation for this. Maybe I’m overreacting but still, I told you no ? Why couldn’t it be Meli to be with you instead of him ? Seriously man. Think about it. Getting ready to cheat bit by bit? Anyway, I’ll be patient.

This is the truth. I fucken want to talk to you. I fucken want to settle things. I’m tired of being hidden stuff, I don’t even hide anything. You don’t speak up. You are lying to me. Tell me the truth. Is it going to stay like this? Or it’s going to change? I fucken want to change things and make things right. Only if you fucken want to help me and let’s do it together. I can’t be the only one who wants. I need your help. DO YOU WANT TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT … ? I KNOW YOU ARE SUFFERING … I’M SUFFERING TOO … I DON’T WANT TO MAKE MY MOTHER FEEL LIKE THIS … SHE’S FUCKEN WORRIED ABOUT ME … BUT I CAN’T HELP IT … I’M ALWAYS SAD … TALK TO ME … LET’S SHARE THINGS … FUCK MAN. ALWAYS HIDING STUFF FROM ME NOW.

Please … can we be perfect together again … ? I’m tired of being depressive … it seems like you start to care less and less … I hate it … you don’t care about me anymore … ? Babe … you know I love you so much … Sometimes I don’t talk to you … because I want to see how much you will miss me … how much you want to talk to me … and the results saddens me. You don’t do anything … you just ignore me , you just leave me like that, don’t talk to me, don’t share anything. I know nothing about you, while you know everything of me … Please … I simply want our relation to be perfect now … Yes , we had a hard past … but … now it’s over. It’s time to move on … I regretted so much , I don’t want to keep going on like this. I want happy times with you … I’m so jealous when you are not talking to me but instead talking to your friends with a big smile. I ain’t the guy who makes you happy anymore. You don’t care if I don’t come and fetch you after work. You don’t care if I come to your house, you just say it’s my decision. You don’t want to see me ? I swear , I simply want to make things right once and for all … I’m tired … of being sad … I’m not happy these days … my mom is worried … she always see me in this state … When before, I was never like that. I was always cheerful. Babe , I want you to miss me … I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one who wants to have a relation … I want us both to be in it, not just me. I’m always asking myself … Will you really stay with me? I’m useless … as you can see … like the other time , making sushi , I work slow, didn’t know what to do, I am not strong , I am not tall, I don’t have a job, I don’t have money , no swag , nothing … There’s so many guys out there … with everything you could wish to have. Are you slowly getting over me … ? You really changed … the things you say doesn’t match the actions you do. You just say it to make me feel better … I’m always sad everyday … It’s like, you don’t need me. You only walk with me before school, then spend 10 min with me at dinner, then walk back home with me. And we barely talk, it’s sometimes just like that. Then when you are with your friends , you are so cheerful. You are happy. You enjoy yourself. Then afterward, you will forget that I’m here. When I come close to you when you are with your friends, you have like shame to be my girlfriend. Always rejecting me, pushing me away, like I was a guy who annoys you a lot. You know how I feel when you do that ? Like the other time. I just wanted a kiss ,you just tapped on my mouth and made me feel shame from others. Yeah , maybe from time to time to do that is fine, I can tolerate. But you always do that. There’s no limit. Babe, please, if you really want me in your life, show it. I’m showing a lot, sometimes, I just wait to see if I really am part of your life, and you do things that proves that you don’t care if I was there or not. I’m just someone who you can talk with when your real friends aren’t there. You are a total different person when you are with your friends. Babe, please, I really am in need of your affection … I want to be able to talk to you … I want communication … Settle things ourselves. I love you bb … <3

I know when something bad is about to happen … your circle of friends will start changing. Now I see Andy has slightly changed. He doesn’t hang out with me anymore. Maybe he knows something you did ? And now you are acting so weird. this is simply too much. Sometimes, I feel like I could go on and nothing could stop me, and sometimes, I just think back , I’m worthless. What the fuck are you thinking ? I want to know what’s going on in your head. Are you going to take revenge ? We don’t communicate AT ALL. What’s with this … Short answers to my questions … no feelings … just give me a break … do me a favor , and tell me you don’t want me. Stop dragging me around … This ain’t a relationship. FUCK MAN …

Posted by Judy Diep.

What do you mean? I’m making myself some ideas.

Sometimes , I just feel like , you are not wanting to be with me. You say stuff to make me feel good. What about your actions ? You told me … I don’t want to leave you … I love you too much … I’ll see you more at school. What you do ? Nothing. Just talking. You saying you miss me when you are with your friends. Doesn’t look like it. You know it’s kind of getting obvious you have something for Siu … I’m starting to feel that. Look how protective you are when I talk about him. And the thing I won’t forget. I said I’m bored at school nothing to do, why ? It’s because I only want to be with you. You told me to find something to do and you didn’t know how to do anything. … Lame man , you really don’t know what I’m thinking. You don’t get it. When are you going to get it that … I want to be with you ? You think it really doesn’t bother me that you go with Siu ? On the contrary , I’m looking at what you would choose. Either me or him. From what I see , if you have a chance to be with him , you’ll take it. Also , you seem to have lots of fun with him more than me. You guys look so cute together. I’m starting to get tired of this. You give me love only on special occasions or just rarely. When in front of your friends, it just looks like you don’t want them to know I’m your boyfriend. You don’t act normal. Tell me. Are you into Siu ? If yeah , just go to him. I really can’t change anything. I can’t say I’m better. I made a terrible mistake but that is now over, the problem is now you. You don’t get what we need in a relationship. He has money, swag , handsome , tall , makes you happy, always make you smile, you guys joke around, he knows your friends, you know his, he knows your best friend , you do activities with him that I can’t even do with you. He is just simply perfect for you. I’m feeling that. Look at now, we don’t show anything at school, only when I’m sad you will show some love , but you think that’s enough? In a relation , it’s not only on special days that we show love to our loved one, it’s everyday. Treat him like he’s a special thing, I do that. I treat you like my shiniest crystal that I will never let it break. Sometimes I just joke around, but sometimes, I really just want to let everything go. You seem to not care, I’m just there … A dog, barking at you, and you having fun. I’m suffering man, when I say it’s fine, it’s nothing. You really think I’m okay? I just want you to realize that what you are doing, is affecting me. You should notice soon. I swear, I believe that you only want Siu. You even told me … I can’t take him away from you. You told me to do other stuff on dinner time , you didn’t even had a thought about me spending time with you ? You only thought … dinner I’m busy. Why ? I’m with Siu. WTF MAN … Seriously, it’s either him or me. Yeah , I worked hard to get till here, we went through a lot. But when I’m starting to feel like it’s worthless, I’m going to back up. I’m getting tired. I want to be loved, not be rejected. I don’t play in love triangles either. The one whom really loves me, will be the one who always has time for me, feels bad and will act to make me feel better. Knows what she is doing wrong. Understands me. Listens to me. Talks and acts according to what she said. I’m not a player, you are the one whom I love the most , and I don’t intend to find anyone else. But if it’s really worthless , I’d take my time to choose the right one, I don’t like to play around. I want to build a family with the woman who will cherish me as I will. Anyway, keep going to Siu. I don’t care. Have fun with him. Sooner or later … I will have to act. I’m just being patient now. Seeing if you will notice anything. If you don’t, just stay with your lovely ex boyfriend. Be with him, anyway, I really can’t do anything. People tell me it’s already over between me and you, what you are doing is a form of disloyal already. But I keep on going. Why ? Because I love you. I hope you do too. You don’t reply my facebook messages, ignores me when I chat with you. We talk less and less. But I’m sure, you text so much to Siu. Wanting to go out with your “twin”. For in reality, you want to see Siu. Have fun with him. Tell me, when are we going to cook together ? Watch a movie together ? Do some sports together ? Anything a couple wouldn’t mind doing. YOU DON’T DO THESE WITH ME. I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND … AND I NEVER EXPERIENCED THESE … WHILE HE IS ONLY YOUR FRIEND … AND HE HAS WAY MORE. DON’T YOU THINK I SHOULD BE SEEING SOMETHING GOING ON ? He went there with you on boxing day, I asked why he could and I couldn’t and you lamely replied me , because he is a girl and I don’t like to shop with a guy, it makes me shy. Then when you are with me, you say you like to shop with me, because it feels like we are married and shopping together. Nice excuse there lady. Just … I’ll see how things go, I predict that … you are going to leave me for him. I just sense it. He has more privilege than me, he is more suited for you. You guys would make such a cute couple … why don’t you go back with him ? I know that you still love him. Your love with him never ended with a break, it just stopped because you guys couldn’t see each other. I can see flame sparkling in your eyes when you are with him. Anyway hunny, choose wisely. Him or me. Do the thing that you think it’s best for you. Leave me like that or cherish me. I’ll be the one who will act according to what you do. I’m a simple guy, I don’t require much. So just follow your path, I don’t want to follow you around, make your decision and I’ll adjust myself. I’m starting to get tired.

When things just doesn’t add up , always weird things happening , something is up. I sense that … you are just going further and further away from me. I just don’t know anymore. What’s happening ? What I truly feel now, is that , you are just waiting for the perfect moment , to hurt me , to break with me. But now , you don’t have the courage yet. You want to find the right time. I just don’t … feel loved anymore. It’s all about your friends now. I disappeared from your life. I’m no longer anything worth in your eyes , not even in front of your friends. You truly love him don’t you … you just ain’t sure if he is feeling the same for you either. That’s why you don’t want to leave me. You ain’t loving me anymore. I just know it. I’m just being dragged along, like every other damn people say, I’m being dragged over ,our relation is over , from the time you stop caring and kept going toward your friends, spending way more time with them. No more time with me, it’s over. I don’t want to believe this, because I fucken want a future with you. Don’t you … ?

I feel like … I don’t seem important anymore when Siu is around. All your attention was to him and your best friend. It’s not that I want to be silent , it’s just that I felt left out. I didn’t walk with you guys because I know you will reject me when he is near. You guys seem so friendly together. Might as well become the best couple yeah ? That’s what I’m feeling. You see him so much, dinner , recess , after school, he knows and has fun with your best friend , he is tall, got money , got style , clothes , friendly, did not make a mistake as bad as mine , everything better than me. Why wouldn’t you go to him ? My prediction : You will go to him. Soon or later , you will ditch me.